


Help

by be_the_trash



Series: Help and Extras [1]
Category: Septiplier - Fandom
Genre: Depression, Hallucinations, M/M, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, antisepticeye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-12 04:36:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11729616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/be_the_trash/pseuds/be_the_trash
Summary: Jack has schizophrenia and he's afraid to tell anyone. He is worried people will hate him or treat him differently, so he hides it from everyone, his fans, his friends, Mark. Mark knows Jack is hiding something from him, but what is it?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone's schizophrenia is different so some things that Jack has, others won't have and some things he doesn't have, others will have. Just a little disclaimer. Jack does have tics and he does see things sometimes. This may not be very clear in the first chapter but I want it to be clear from the beginning. I am not the greatest writer so constructive criticism is welcome. I know that this is similar to many other fics but I wanted to do my own version. There should be about five chapters to this unless I decide to add more later.

Jack turned off the camera and instantly the voices were back. He didn't know why they went away when he recorded, but he was glad they did. He wasn't very good at hiding when they were speaking and his meds made him nauseous. He could deal with the nausea when he had to go to meet and greet, or do panels, but not when it was just him at home. Figuring he could leave the editing for tomorrow, Jack made his way to the bedroom. He flopped down and closed his eyes. The voices got louder when he closed his eyes. They were hard to ignore. They were taunting him, trying to make him mad or sad. They didn't care, anything would be fun for them.

 _No_  he told them angrily. _I'm not listening to you anymore._  He tried to shut them out.

The voices swelled. They were angry now. Yelling. They were out for blood. Jack moved without realizing what he was doing. When he looked down he saw he had a razor blade in his hand.

Jack had dealt with the voices since he was 16. He had never really been able to resist cutting when they told him to. He knew they would just get angrier if he resisted, but all of his previous cuts and healed, just leaving scars. They hadn't gotten this mad in a while and Jack was not about to go down without a fight.

"No." Jack whispered quietly. He didn't want to. He wouldn't. No matter what they said. His fans needed him to be strong, so did his friends. The voices spoke fast, overlapping each other now.

**Aww poor little Jack, so sad and pathetic.**

**Do you really think any of your so called "fans" actually care?**

**If you're friends really care, why haven't you told them about us?**

**They can't be your friends if they don't know the truth about you.**

**You're just a fucking depressed schizo. You deserve this.**

_You were the ones that told me I couldn't tell them!_ he screamed in his head, but it didn't matter. Jack was wearing down. He slowly pulled down the top of his shorts to reveal his thigh. He pressed the blade firmly against his skin and paused, trying to stop himself one last time. Shaking, Jack pressed the blade down harder and slowly dragged it across his thigh. Instantly, his voices starting laughing and demanding he do more, so he pressed the blade to his skin again.

And again...

And again.

The voices were quiet. Not silent, but not screaming anymore. Jack sat there for a moment, exhausted. He got up from his bed and walked slowly to the bathroom.

 _When did I start crying?_ He wondered, touching his wet cheeks. He cleaned the blood off his thigh and wrapped it in a bandage.

Jack was disappointed. He was sure he could hold out against them this time, but it just made them angrier. At least he would be the only one disappointed tonight. The voices had made a good point when they said he couldn't have friends if the didn't know the truth. But he couldn't tell them. They'd hate him.

Jack went to sit down at his computer. After what just happened, there was no way he'd be able to sleep. He had just finished recording a new Antisepticeye video that he was really excited about.

Jack was about halfway through editing his video when he got a text from Mark.

"Hey, u up?"

"No"

"Skype?"

Jack didn't bother responding. He quickly logged into his Skype account and called Mark.

Mark answered before it had a chance to ring. "Hey so I had this great idea for a new Anti vs. Dark video. I thought it would be cool if we..." Jack smiled as Mark talked excitedly about his video idea. Mark always got super into his video ideas and it was sometimes hard to follow because he talked so fast.

"We would film it during Vidcon so everyone could be there." Mark finally paused to take a breath. "So what do you think?"

Jack laughed, "That's actually a really good idea."

Mark smiled, "Really? You think people will like it? I wasn't sure if it was really a good idea I wanted to run it by you before-"

Jack cut him off, "Calm down, jesus. You're like a child. It's a great idea Mark, really."

Mark looked super happy, "Awesome. I'll just ask anyone I can be in touch with to be there." He paused and looked at Jack. "What time is it there?" He asked suspiciously.

Jack quickly checked the time. "3 am..."

"Jack! You know you have to sleep right?"

"Oh wow thank you, I didn't know that." Jack said sarcastically.

"Go to bed." Mark ordered and ended the call.

Jack smiled, talking to Mark always made him happy. He decided to take Mark's advice and go to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack woke up late the next day. He lay in bed for a moment, trying to shut the voices up, but eventually he gave up and just ignored them. Vidcon was coming up in a little less than two weeks and Jack needed to get ready. He jumped out of bed and went to record.

On the way out of the bathroom, Jack caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Only it wasn't quite Jack. When he paused and looked harder he realized it was Anti. Jack stared as Anti waved at him, then vanished. Jack was left staring at his reflection. He was surprised. He hadn't seen Anti in almost a year.

The next two weeks were spent recording, editing, and trying to ignore the voices. They seemed to get louder since that night and he found himself in the same situation almost every other day.

He also found himself seeing Anti everywhere he looked. At first it was harmless. A glimpse here, a whisper there, but it grew with each day. The closer Vidcon came, the stronger Anti got. Anti would always chime in when his other voices did, but it was different. He could always tell when it was the voices in his head, or someone outside of his head. But Anti sounded like he was talking from the outside. It scared Jack, but he didn't know how to get rid of Anti so he mostly ignored him.

  
Jack checked his bag for Vidcon again. Almost everything was there except his meds. He went into his bathroom and dug into he medicine cabinet. He pulled out his bottle of meds only to find it empty. A jolt of fear passed through him. What was he going to do? The only place he can refill them is two hours in the opposite direction of the airport and his flight leaves in three hours.

He can't go without them. What if someone finds out? He tried to calm himself down.

_It's only a few days. I'll just say I'm feeling ill if people ask. I just have to pretend to not see Anti._

**Idiot**

**How do you not know when you run out?**

**What a waste of oxygen**

~~_**How disappointing** _ ~~

Ignoring the voices and Anti as they chimed in, Jack hurried and finished packing. The ride to the airport was full of stress and worry. Jack pushed it aside when he got on the plane and decided to nap. It took a while but Jack finally fell asleep.

  
Jack awoke with a start. He had been dreaming about Vidcon. In his dream, he was with all of his friends at a restaurant. Everything was perfect until Jack forgot and talked back to Anti. His friends turned on him and left him alone in the restaurant. The waiter kicked him out. He walked to his hotel and they kicked him out as well. His palms and forhead were sweaty, so he made his way to bathroom on the plane. He splashed some water on his face and ignored Anti as he laughed behind him. Soon the plane was landing. Usually this would be when Jack would take some of his meds so that by the time he got to his friends, his voices, hallucinations, and tics would be gone.

After almost losing his bags in the luggage claim, Jack went to the front doors of the airport to wait. Mark had texted to say they might be a little bit late to picking him up. Jack was totally fine with that. Ever since he woke up he had been jumpy and his tics were, of course, worse than they had been all year.

~~_**You are not very good at pretending I'm not here** _ ~~

"Shut up." Jack mumbled.

  
Almost two hours later, Mark and Ethan finally pulled up. Jack had calmed down a little and greeted them enthusiastically.

"Sorry we were so late." Mark apologized. He didn't give any excuse for being late, but Jack didn't really care. He put his bags in the trunk and sat in the back. He closed the door behind him before Anti could get in, but the imaginary demon just teleported inside. Jack sighed, _it was worth a shot._

"It's fine, my flight was late anyway."

The lie slipped out before Jack could stop it.

**_~~Why'd you say that? He doesn't care.~~_** Anti snickered.

Jack ignored him.

"Oh that's good."

Jack dropped his stuff off in his room and went to Mark's to record the Anti vs Dark video. Anti was making Jack so nervous that he kept crashing into things and stumbling over his words. Mark finally pulled him aside to ask him what was wrong.

"You're looking sick. Actually, now that I think about it, you always look a little sick when you come to these things. Are you alright?"

Jack felt bile rise in his throat. So Mark had noticed. Who else noticed?

~~_**Everyone** _ ~~

Jack felt himself start to freak out. He had to get out of there before he messed up.

"I have to go." Jack blurted out suddenly. "Catch you tomorrow." He threw the last bit over his shoulder as he raced out. He ran up the two flights of stairs to his room and locked the door behind him. Anti laughed at him for running, but Jack didn't care. He couldn't be around his friends right now. His voices and Anti were just too loud.

~~_**You know what you have to do** _ ~~

Jack sighed and went over to where his suitcase was on the floor and dug out his razor blade. He quickly pulled off his pants and cut until Anti was satisfied he had gotten what he deserved.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Jack jumped and quickly checked who it was.

_Shit._  It was Mark. He looked worried.

"Jack? You in there?"

Jack took a few steps back from the door. He darted to bandage up his leg, ignoring Anti as he howled with laughter. He struggled to put his pants back on. Mark's knocks had gotten louder.

"Jack, please answer."

Jack finally got his pants back on. After hiding his razor blade back in the bag he opened the door.

"Jack. Are you okay?" Mark asked, worried. Jack winced.

"I'm fine Mark, really." He tried desperately to think of an excuse for running like that. "I um... I just felt really sick and I didn't want to throw up in front of everyone."

Mark looked skeptical. "Ok. Are you sure you're alright?" Anti had teleported behind Mark and was miming shooting him in the back of his head. Jack tried not to stare.

"I feel better now, but I think we should wait and record tomorrow or something."

"Okay." Mark paused and stared at Jack for a second. Then he turned and left, casting worried glances behind him.

Jack closed the door and sighed in relief.  _That was too close._


	3. Chapter 3

Mark.

 

"Guys, I think there's something wrong with Jack. He always seems to be sick whenever we see him."

Ethan looked up from his phone and said, "Yeah I noticed that too. I think he must have jetlag or something."

"I think it's more serious than that." Mark insisted.

"So what do you think it is?"

"I don't know. Depression maybe?" Mark suggested. "Whatever it is, I think we need to find out. I'm not just going to wait for him to come to m- " Mark caught himself. "...one of us."

No one else seemed to notice his slip up. "But what if he's not ready to talk about it?" Ethan asked, "We don't want to press him too hard if he really is depressed."

"Well, I'll be careful about it, but I will be talking to him tonight." Mark insisted.

"How?"

"Let's invite him to dinner." Mark suggests. "Then after I can get him alone and talk to him. That way he won't feel cornered."

They all relunctantly agreed with Mark's plan. Mark sent a text to Jack.

"We're going to dinner later. Meet us outside the hotel at 5."

Jack responded with a simple, "Okay."

They finish up the filming they can do without Jack and at five they leave their room to find Jack already waiting outside.

"Feeling better?" Mark asks.

Jack looks guilty as he says, "Yeah, thanks."

Mark smiles widely and says, "We thought it would be a good idea to walk."

"Okay" Jack says and follows Mark without another word. When they get to the restaurant Mark gets them a table and they all sit down around it. They order then mess around around until their food arrives. Mark notices that Jack is acting weird and keeps glancing at the empty table next to them. Mark is worried but doesn't say anything, not wanting to start that conversation just yet.

They pay and leave the restaurant laughing. Before they get to the hotel Mark clears his throat and says, "You guys go ahead, I want to walk a little more with Jack." Jack turns to look at him with confusion written on his face.

Mark turns to walk away from the hotel and Jack follows. Before he can say anything Jack asks, "So um, why are we walking alone. You sounded nervous."

"I am." Mark says honestly. He takes a deep breath. "Are you okay? I mean, really okay? And I don't want any excuses about being sick because I think we both know that's a lie."

Jack laughs nervously, "What do you mean?"

Mark stops walking and turns to look him in the eyes. He takes a deep breath and says, "I was hoping you'd just tell me what was wrong. I'm worried for you Jack. You're not yourself lately."

Jack bristles, "What do you mean? I'm exactly like myself, I'm just not feeling well that's all. Jetlag probably."

Maybe Mark was imagining things but he was sure he heard Jack's voice shake as he said that. "Sean... Please. You can tell me what's wrong, I won't judge you or hate you. Please just be honest me." Mark was almost begging.

"Nothing is wrong!" Jack protested. He suddenly looked terrified. He was staring at Mark's feet like he had seen a ghost. Then he looked through Mark and yelled, "Just stop already! I'm sick of you ruining everything!" His head jerked like he had been hit and he stumbled back a step. He looked at Mark's feet fearfully then turned and ran away, leaving Mark dumbfounded.

Mark watched him go. He walked slowly back to the hotel. He showered, got dressed, then lay awake in bed.

_What the hell just happened?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about some of this being a bit vague. I don't really know how Vidcon works or how many days there are.

Jack was sick of Anti. Mark had been asking him if he was okay, and while Jack was trying to convince Mark that everything was fine, Anti decided it would be a great idea to stab Mark.

Jack watched in horror as blood sprayed from Mark's chest onto Jack.

_It'snotrealIt'snotrealIT'S NOT REAL!_  Jack screamed to himself.

He tried to see what was really happening. Mark was standing there, with no knife in his chest and Jack was not covered in blood, but no matter how hard he tried, all he could see was Mark's body.

He tried hard not to cry. "Just stop already!" he screamed at Anti, "I'm sick of you ruining everything!"

Anti hit him hard on the cheek and Jack reeled away. Mark was still lifeless, bleeding out on the ground. Jack turned and sprinted towards the hotel.

_Idiot_ he thought to himself as he ran up the the steps to his room. He slammed the door behind him and fell to his knees. He pressed his knuckles into his temples in an attempt to shut out the voices.

**_~~You are going to pay for that~~ _ **

Jack scoffed, "Oh yeah? What can you do to me? You're not even real."

Anti grinned. It was the creepiest thing Jack had ever seen.

~~_**I'm real enough** _ ~~

Anti disappeared. Jack brushed his teeth and went to bed. He jumped at every little sound, certain it was Anti coming to kill him.

  
_Something was chasing him. Something big. Jack's bare feet hit the cold pavement as he ran. His breath came in short bursts. His lungs were going to explode-_

_He was underwater. In front of him was the ugliest creature Jack had ever seen in his life. His heart beat wildly and he tried to swim away, but the water was as thick as molasses. The monster grabbed him with it's pincers. It squeezed him hard. Jack's stomach was on fire. It was going to break him in half. It was going to-_

Jack awoke with a start. He was drenched in sweat. His dream started with Anti taunting Jack and sending monsters after him. Horror after horror, nightmare after nightmare. It felt like it would never end.

His phone buzzed. It was Mark. He was asking when they could film. He ignored it and got ready for the day.

He didn't see Anti until he was about to leave.

**_~~How did you sleep?~~ _ **

Jack glared at him. "You're an asshole."

Anti just laughed and followed him out.

Jack spent most of his first day avoiding Mark as much as possible. He managed to ignore Anti pretty well and no one suspected a thing. Jack was elated by the end of the day. Not even Anti's constant nagging brought him down.

Jack made his way back to his room and for the first time, he didn't run up the stairs. When he opened the door to the stairwell, he saw Mark was standing in front of Jack's door, waiting. Jack instantly ducked back into the stairwell.

_Shit. How do I avoid him now?_

He stood there for a minute and calmed his breathing. He open the door and walked out.

"Hey Mark." Why did his voice have to crack now? "What's up?"

Mark turned to him, looking surprised. "Hey Jack. I wanted to talk to you." He said nervously.

Jack unlocked the door to his room and gestured Mark inside. "About what?" He asked, as though he didn't already know.

"Last night" Mark said. He paused for a moment, then continued, "I'm sorry I made you angry. I just wanted you to know that I was here if you needed me."

Jack smiled sadly, "I appreciate it Mark, but I can't talk about it. And I wasn't yelling at you." Mark looked confused and Jack quickly tried to cover up his mistake, "I was just frustrated at an-uhh... someone else and I let it out on you. You don't deserve that."

Mark gave a dry laugh, "I think I do. I shouldn't have pushed you. I thought you were depressed and I just wanted to help, but now... nevermind." He turned to leave. "Feel free to come over anytime to finish that Anti part." And he was gone.

Jack felt his insides freeze. Mark didn't want to help him anymore?

**_~~Of course he doesn't. He would have to care about you to want to help you.~~ _ **

He shook his head and ignored Anti. He grabbed his room key and made his way down to Mark's room.

_Better get this over with._ He knocked on the door. Mark answered and smiled at him, "Come on in." He said and gave a goofy bow. Jack smile and bowed back, "Why thank you good sir." They both laughed.

Three hours later they finished filming. Anti had been oddly silent while they filmed. Jack noticed Mark staring at him when he thought Jack wasn't looking. It made Jack uncomfortable because he knew that Mark was suspicious after last night. As soon as they were done filming, Jack excused himself to his room.

He shut the door quietly behind him and sat down on the edge of his bed. He needed some time to think. What did Mark think now? He'll have to see the connection soon. But maybe he'd get lucky and Mark would forget everything soon. Jack sighed. There was just too much to think about and he had a long day.

The rest of Vidcon passed without too many problems. He and Mark didn't have much time to talk in private and soon it was time for Jack to head back to the airport. Mark and Ethan drove him there since it was on their way and they had to say goodbye in the car. The flight home was long, boring, and full of Anti being a dick. Jack wished for the millionth time that he lived closer to his friends.

When Jack got home he collapsed in bed and slept for 12 hours. When he finally woke up he had to drag himself to kitchen and make some coffee to wake himself up. After coffee he recorded a video. He still had some set to upload but he wanted to record one talking about Vidcon.

He had just finished recording when he got a text from Mark.

All it said was "Skype?"

Jack debated this. He really wasn't up for talking but he didn't want to make Mark even more worried for him.

He called Mark and they talked for a while about some games they could collab on and when they should record. As they talked Jack saw Anti out of the corner of his eye. He turned to look, but nothing was there.

Anti came up behind Jack multiple times while they were chatting. Jack ignored him and tried to focus on Mark. They were saying their goodbyes to each other when suddenly there was a sharp pain Jack's shoulder. He fell to the floor and screamed. Anti had stabbed him!

"Jack? Jack?! Are you okay? What happened?!"

Jack curled into a ball on the floor. His shoulder was on fire and he couldn't hear anything but Anti's laugh. He felt around his shoulder for the knife and yanked on it. He screamed again as it came out.

The tip of the knife was coated in ice. Jack watched as the ice spread to cover the entire blade. It shattered in his hands, and Jack felt the same ice grow in his shoulder. He felt it grow and encase his body. He was certain that if he moved he would shatter into a million pieces.

Mark was freaking out on the other side of the computer, but Jack couldn't hear him. He couldn't even hear Anti anymore.

He waited as he slowly thawed out. The icy pain receded, leaving him soaking wet with just the pain in his shoulder. When he could no longer feel any ice, Jack slowly curled his fingers. When they didn't shatter, he went on and moved his arm, then slowly, the rest of his body.

He stood up shakily, blood was still pouring from his shoulder staining his clothes. _It's not real,_  he told himself firmly. He sat down in his chair and grimaced when he jostled his shoulder. He tried to act like it was totally normal for someone to scream and fall down during a Skype call.

Mark was scared and confused, "What the fuck Sean? What the hell happened?"

Jack quickly stumbled to think of an excuse. "I um. Sorry I just... Uhhh.... I thought I saw.... A spider?" Jack wanted to hit himself.

Mark looked angry, "A spider? That was not a reaction to a spider. You screamed like you were being stabbed!"

Jack winced. "I know I'm sorry. I have to go." Before Mark could say anything else, Jack ended the call.


	5. Chapter 5

Jack stared at his screen for a moment. He got up and got in the shower, trying not to cry when the water ran over his shoulder. Anti was such a dick. His shoulder still burned even though the blood and wound were gone.

**Mark's never going to talk to you again**

**He must think you're such an ass**

**Are you really so stupid you can't think of something better than spiders?**

Jack had just about had enough. He yelled at the top of his lungs, "SHUT UP!!!!!" and threw a bar of soap against the shower wall. The voices suddenly stopped. Jack was surprised. The voices never listened to him and they were never, ever quiet. He got uneasily out of the shower and dried off, then checked his phone to see Mark had left him three messages

"Sean answer my call"

"Sean William McLaughlin if you don't answer..."

"That's it. I'm flying over to you. I will be on the next flight."

Jack quickly texted, "No need. I was in the shower. Please don't come over." He anxiously waited for Mark's response.

"Too late I'm already at the airport."

Jack groaned and buried his head in his hands.

_This is it,_ he thought numbly. _I have to tell him, how else can I explain it?_

Anti appeared in front of him and opened his mouth to speak, but Jack was so miserable he didn't need persuasion. He pulled out his blade and cut. He didn't notice when Anti told him to stop. He didn't notice when blood ran down his leg and on to the floor. He only stopped when his hand shook too bad to hold anything and the blade fell to the floor. He stood there for an hour, just staring at himself in the mirror before he started to clean his leg.

It was the worst it's ever been. There was blood everywhere and his leg was still bleeding badly. Jack usually took care to keep the cuts pretty shallow, but he hadn't been paying attention and accidentally went deeper than he meant to. He bandaged his leg and threw on some sweat pants, not caring if he got blood on them. He clean the blood off the floor and the sink, then lit some candles to cover up the smell.

He left to edit the Vidcon vlog and set it to upload. Jack checked the time. _Only an hour left until Mark gets here._

Jack paced up and down the length of his recording room. What does he tell Mark? How can he explain why he freaked out? He pushed the thoughts away and sat on the couch to wait.

 

There was a knock on the door. Jack's heart sank. He opened it and Mark was standing there with a small suitcase next to him.

Jack looked down at the ground. "Come in." He mumbled. Mark followed Jack without a word. "You can use the guest room if you want but you probably won't want to stay long." Still looking at the floor, Jack lead him down the hall to the spare bedroom. Mark set his suitcase in the bed and turned to follow Jack back out. "Do you want something to drink?" Jack asked.

"No thank you." Mark said quietly. Jack sighed and lead Mark to the couch where they both sat down. There was silence until Mark finally asked, "So... What the hell happened over our Skype call? I know it wasn't a spider. You were screaming like you had gotten stabbed."

Jack didn't look up. He mumbled, "I kind of did," and fiddled with his hands.

"What?" Mark asked, shocked. "What do you mean you 'kind of' got stabbed?"

Jack finally looked up. He looked Mark in the eyes and said, "You can't tell anyone." He paused and calmed his breathing. "I had a hallucination."

Mark looked confused. "What? But... I don't understand."

"I saw someone-"

~~_**You saw me**_~~ , Anti interjected proudly.

Jack ignored him, "-stab me in the shoulder. Then I turned to ice." He knew Mark wouldn't understand what that meant, but he didn't feel like explaining it any further.

Jack thought he was going to pass out. "That night at Vidcon... after we ate with the others... I saw the same person stab you. I ran because I couldn't stand to look at your body."

"...but... I don't.... How, why?" Mark looked lost.

He looked away from Mark. "I have schizophrenia..."

Mark looked at him for a minute, taking in what Jack said. Jack's emotions were in such a jumble and his voices weren't helping.

**He hates you**

**He thinks you're crazy**

**He's afraid of you**

_**~~He's going to kill you~~ ** _

Jack closed his eyes. "Shut up." he mumbled. They didn't listen.

Suddenly Mark's voice broke through the others, "Jack? Are you okay?"

Jack realized he was covering his ears with his hands and had somehow gotten on the floor. "I'm fine." He muttered dropping his hands.

Anti laughed. ~~_**For now**_~~

"Jack... Why didn't you tell anyone? We could have helped." Mark's voice was sad.

The voices were making him angry. "I don't need help." He snapped at Mark.

  
Mark's POV

Jack was sitting on the floor shaking with his face was buried in his arms.

Mark sat on the floor next to him. He cautiously put an arm around Jack's shoulder. "Sean?" Mark was at a loss. Jack wasn't responding. "Sean, I don't care what you have. I still lo- want you to be my friend." Mark felt his face go red

After a minute Jack looked up at him. His eyes were red and there were tears on his cheeks. "You d-don't care?"

Mark tried for a kind smile, "Of course I don't. It doesn't change who you are. You're still my Jackaboy." He threw the stupid nickname in there in hopes Jack would smile, and he did. Mark helped him stand up and they sat on the couch together. Jack rested his head on Mark's shoulder and whispered, "I thought you would hate me."

Mark's heart fluttered and he slowly put his arm around Jack's shoulder. "I could never hate you. Especially not over something you can't control." He paused and added. "The rest of our friends wouldn't hate you either, but I won't tell them."

Jack hesitated before he said, "I don't want to tell anyone else. Not yet."

"That's totally fine." Mark assured him.

Jack suddenly started laughing. "I was so fucking worried. They told me you would think I was insane."

"Why would I think you're insane? You are just the same as you always were." Mark paused, confused, "Wait, they?"

Jack cleared his throat, "The uh... voices. I hear voices in my head."

Mark instantly understood. "That's why you covered your ears when you were on the floor." Jack nodded.

They sat there in a comfortable silence for a little while. Eventually they got hungry and Jack got up to make some food. They ate pancakes for dinner and talked quietly. Jack told Mark everything.

"When I was sixteen I started seeing this man. He was me, but all of the worst parts of me. I was also hearing voices. When I told them my parents made me go to therapy where they diagnosed me with schizophrenia..."

"...I named him Anti. Because he was all of the worst parts of myself- the 'anti me'..."

"... I started seeing Anti again a few weeks before Vidcon. When I went to pack my meds, they were empty..."

"... He stabbed you. Right through your heart. I was so scared. It was the first thing Anti had ever done anything that affected other people. Usually he's just there. He didn't interact with anything or anyone besides me..."

Mark didn't interrupt. He didn't want to make Jack uncomfortable with questions, so he just let Jack talk. Eventually Jack got to the Skype call after Vidcon.

"...you called me and, well you know what happened from there."

Mark was quiet for a few minutes, trying to process everything he had just been told. Finally he spoke, "I wish you would have told me sooner."

Jack shifted uncomfortably, "Anti always told me no one would ever accept me if I told them. Everyone I've ever dated left me when I told them."

_I wouldn't leave you_. Mark wanted to say. Instead he stood up and grabbed their empty plates. "Well this is enough talk about that. Dr. Iplier says you need a healthy dose of laughs right about now." He put the plates in the sink and walked over to Jack's TV. He grinned and said, "We don't have to record it if you don't want to, but we are playing a game together."

Jack grinned back, "Oh I am so going to beat your ass."

"You're on."


End file.
